What Does Co-Dependency Looks Like?

1. Do you find that when you feel anxious, you attempt to control the behavior or feelings of others?
2. Do you often feel responsible for making sure that the needs of others are met before your own?
3. Do you put your own needs aside in an attempt to attend to the needs of others?
4. Have you experienced consequences of putting your needs aside, such as:
   • gaining or losing weight due to not eating properly ✓
   • physical illness such as colds. Bronchitis, back pain, headaches, TMJ, intestinal problems ✓
   • dental problems due to not taking time for proper care ✓
   • exhaustion or stress due to overworking or not taking time for yourself ✓
   • physical problems, stress, PMS, or weight gain due to lack of proper exercise or food choices ✓
   • overdrawing the bank account due to not taking time to keep proper records ✓
   • poor credit due to not taking financial responsibility ✓
   • physical space (home, car, workplace) in disrepair or not comfortable enough to meet your needs ✓
5. Do you have difficulty setting healthy boundaries, such as:
6. Do you get into unhealthy relationships with people who are:
   • physically abusive to you or your children ✓
   • emotionally abusive (critical, disrespectful, threatening) to you or your children ✓
   • chemically dependent (drugs, alcohol, food, tobacco) ✓
   • emotionally unresponsive to you or your children ✓
   • physically unresponsive to you or your children ✓
   • sexually unresponsive to you ✓
   • rage-a-holic, so that you must “walk on eggshells” ✓
   • perfectionist, so that you can never please them ✓
   • jealous and controlling of you and your time ✓
   • emotionally immature ✓
   • work-a-holic, and not really there for you or your children ✓
   • sex-addicted, overly sexually demanding, emotionally or sexually unfaithful ✓
7. Do you find yourself using the following defense mechanisms?
   • repress, unable to remember, certain parts of your childhood ✓
   • dissociate, emotionally leave, when strong emotions are being expressed ✓
   • dissociate during sex ✓
   • minimize or make less serious your addictive behaviors ✓
   • minimize or make less serious your unhealthy relationships ✓
   • minimize or make less serious your unhealthy family of origin memories ✓
   • deny or delude yourself about your, or your spouse’s, addictive behaviors ✓
   • deny or delude yourself about the unhealthy nature of your relationships ✓
   • deny or delude yourself about the dysfunctionality in your family of origin ✓
   • deny that you have made the same mistakes as your parents ✓
8. Do you have difficulty finding healthy expression for your emotions, such as:
   • tend to repress anger or cover it with a smile ✓
   • “fly off the handle” and dump anger on others ✓
   • feel shame about crying in front of others ✓
   • minimize your feelings and talk yourself out of them ✓
   • experience depression due to trying to “hold it all in” ✓
   • have areas of shame or secrecy that you don’t share with others ✓
   • experience anxiety or panic attacks due to excessive fears ✓
   • cover up feelings of rejection by pretending that you don’t really care ✓
   • act “super mature” about expressing grief or sadness ✓
   • feel like a child, out of control emotionally ✓
   • feel numb or “emotionally frozen” when it comes to feelings ✓
   • feel uncomfortable when others express strong emotions ✓
9. Do you tend to feel out of control with any of the following addictions:
   • alcohol ✓
   • prescription or illegal drugs ✓
   • food ✓
   • sugar ✓
   • caffeine ✓
   • tobacco ✓
   • spending ✓
   • sex ✓
   • gambling ✓
   • relationships ✓
   • chaos or drama ✓
10. Do you find yourself caretaking others, such as:
    • doing more than your fair share of the work ✓
    • saying “yes” when you want to say “no” ✓
    • anticipating the needs of others, sometimes even before they do ✓
    • feeling compelled to help others solve their problems ✓
    • offering unwanted advice, giving rapid-fire solutions to others ✓
    • doing things for others that they are capable of doing for themselves, and resenting it ✓
    • spending time pleasing others as a way to feel good about yourself ✓
    • feeling the safest when you are giving to others ✓
    • feeling guilty or undeserving when others give to you ✓
    • feeling attracted to needy people (victims) ✓
    • feeling bored, empty, or worthless if you don’t have a crisis in your life, a problem to solve, or someone to help ✓

If you recognize one or more of these behaviors in yourself and would like to further explore how they are affecting you in your relationships, and how to learn new skills and strategies to manage and cope give us a call at 813 720-5191 or send us an e-mail at destinfamilysolutions@gmail.com.